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Rod
17-08-2004, 11:53 AM
Subject: Fw: Words Women Use





FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right
and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks -
this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an
even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes."Nothing" is usually
used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,
upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that
will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD(With Raised Eyebrows!)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing"
and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD(Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will
get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing"
and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools
off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at
that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is
content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you
back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with
the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big
trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to
come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is
that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and
you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint! Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when
she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in
some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to
ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can
avoid if they remember the terminology!

And send it to your women friends to give them a good laugh!

Ebony
17-08-2004, 11:56 AM
I could give you a few words Admiral ;frosty;

Read that one a couple of times but always a good read, a bit of humour goes a long way.

Have a great day all

Ebony

mojo111
17-08-2004, 07:12 PM
So true so very true :) onya Admiral.

Rod
17-08-2004, 08:55 PM
More from women........


My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big ****ing red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour.

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you've succeeded.

He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'.
She said 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart'.

He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave you?'.
She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat bastard'.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

Q:Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A:Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q:What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A:The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

Stuie
17-08-2004, 09:41 PM
Admiral your not married...................anymore are you? LOL :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Tonyr
17-08-2004, 09:52 PM
HA, HA, Too Funny!

I think there is a lot of truths there! :frightene

Marriage is just a game of wit afterall :laughing:

sharon
19-08-2004, 10:55 AM
ah You forgot. What do father christmas the easter bunny and an intelligent man have in common? they are all myths :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: sharon

Rod
19-08-2004, 02:51 PM
Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with
which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three
nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
opportunity, and also for debiting my account $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your
telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded faceless entity which your Bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for
any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented
proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN
number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.


Let me level the playing field even further. Press buttons as follows:
1.- To make an appointment to see me.
2.- To query a missing payment.
3.- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4.- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. -To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to
nature.
6.- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7.- To leave a message on my computer, a password to
access my computer is required. Password will be
communicated at a later date to the authorized contact.
8.- To return to the main menu and to listen to options
1 through 7.
9.- To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact
will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my
automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, i
involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the
duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever-so-slightly less prosperous New
Year?

Your Humble Client

Tonyr
19-08-2004, 03:25 PM
very funny, good stuff mate!

so true though....if only we could treat banks as they treat us... :rolleyes:

mojo111
19-08-2004, 03:51 PM
My wife is very good at that she tears them a new a$$hole each time it happens ;dealers; and most times gets it waved, She's good for somthing!! except at shops I have to hide :frightene :o :laughing: