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View Full Version : Have you heard of the darwin awards?



Rod
17-08-2004, 07:35 PM
They are finally out again. You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's
an annual honour given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

And the nominees are:

1.) A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,

because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
milk.
Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill,
and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion
and
fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

2.) Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude

when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their
own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with

their pants around their ankles.

3.) A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he

tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad
trestle.
Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a
bunch of
these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the
other
end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement.
Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia
was
alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he
had
assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the
ground,"
Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major
trauma."

4.) A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and
a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The
friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

5.) Employee in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
smell of
a gas presumed a leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building
extinguishing all potential sources of ignition: lights, power, etc.
After
the building had been evacuated, two "technicians" from the gas company
were
dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty
navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.

Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
resembled
a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas
in
the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of the
warehouse up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians,
but
the lighter, being at the exact centre of the resulting mêlée, was
virtually
untouched by the explosion. The "technician" suspected of causing the
blast, had never been thought of by his peers as "all there."

And the Winner:

6.) Based on a bet by the other members of his golfing threesome,
Everett
Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf

course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix,
Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in
the
machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by
spinning
the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging
them
solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold
of
pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez,
the
post of the ball washer was more than strong enough to support his body
weight, and his sack was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped

open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and
remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and

flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the
rotating
machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez then broke a new
$300.00
graphite shaft driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and
was
attempting to use as a cane. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for
surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.
This
last one wouldn't normally count, because the golfer didn't die. But
because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of
stupidity,
we have allowed it.

mojo111
17-08-2004, 07:49 PM
some mothers do have em :laughing: :laughing:

pbm
17-08-2004, 09:24 PM
It brings tears to my eyes just reading it!!! :sad: :laughing:

Stuie
17-08-2004, 09:33 PM
Eliminations from the gene pool.
:)

odin
18-08-2004, 05:29 AM
add to the list an american president who got appointed and is the best case to date proveing darwin's theory of evolution was in fact ...fact lol