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Stuie
12-09-2004, 09:19 PM
A farmer was disgusted with all the trespassers cutting across his land, so he posted the following notice in a field.


The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges!



;frosty; :eek:

mick
12-09-2004, 11:28 PM
[QUOTE=Stuie]A farmer was disgusted with all the trespassers cutting across his land, so he posted the following notice in a field.

The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges! QUOTE]

I'll get in before tony!....

The farmer allows Walkers to cross the field for free, but the Toro charges! :wave-hi:

Ok, a shocker! ahh well :i dunno:

Tonyr
13-09-2004, 08:20 AM
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: Ha Ha Ha, Too Funny! Ha Ha Ha :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Stuie
13-09-2004, 10:36 PM
Was wondering who would pick it up first! :laughing:


two fish were swimming in the water
One hits a wall and exclaims DAM!

Topcat
14-09-2004, 03:17 PM
:laughing: nice joke.

can't wait for one too torro

sharon
14-09-2004, 04:10 PM
:laughing: :laughing: did you hear about the drunk man? He pissed in the fog and mist. :) sharon

Alex Callaghan
14-09-2004, 06:33 PM
So this blokes just been dumped by his Mrs and he's pretty down in the dumps. He says to him self....."Screw that b!tch, I'm gunna go and pay for some ***ual plesure"

He makes his way down to the local h o a r house and says to the pimp....." I want you'r best women matey and I don't care how much!!".....So the pimp replys...." No worries, That'll be $200 per hour at a minimum of an hour. I'll be back in a minuet"

So the pimp walks out the back and realizes all his women are predisposed at that moment and starts to stress as he dosn't want to losse the client.

He racks his brain for a couple of minuets and then quickly runs out the back and down the road to the local $ex shop and buys an inflatable women.

When the pimp gets back he takes the inflatable women upstairs inflates her and takes the light bulb out of the room so its dark.

The pimp heads down stairs and say to the bloke....." Sorry bout the wait mate. She's waiting up stairs in room 11 but theres somthing you should know............She likes it dark so no lights....OK" the bloke says thats fine and heads up to room 11.



About 10 minuets pass and the bloke comes russing down the stairs with a really funny look on his face.

The pimp askes him if everything is alright and the the bloke replys

"I dunno what happend mate!!!.............I bit her tit.........She farted... and flew out the window!!!"

:)

Topcat
14-09-2004, 06:45 PM
:frightene

ya killed me.....lol

Rod
14-09-2004, 08:36 PM
An American Indian child says to his father,

"How did you get our names father?"

The Father/Chief replies "When your Brother was born I held him up to the sun and saw and eagle flying so I called him Flying Eagle."

And he then adds "When your sister was born I held her up to the sun and saw a bear running so I called her Running bear."

"Why do you ask these questions two dogs f u c k i n g."

Alex Callaghan
14-09-2004, 09:53 PM
HAHAAA......Thats a purla Rod. LMAO

sharon
14-09-2004, 10:18 PM
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: sharon

Rod
15-09-2004, 03:47 PM
A guy walks into a bar and has a seat. He then reaches into a sports bag that he brought with him and pulls out a miniature grand piano about 8 inches wide.

Next he removes a small man about one foot high dressed in a Tuxedo. The miniature mans sits on a miniature stool and starts to play the small piano with great skill.

By this time several people had gathered around in amazement.

One onlooker asks:

"Where did you get him from?"

The man replies:

"I was just walking along the beach on my way to the Pub when I found a Genie's lamp. I gave it a rub and a Genies appeared and gave me one wish!"

Another person asks:

"What did you wish for?"

He replies:

"A twelve inch penis."

Rod
15-09-2004, 07:29 PM
Come on guys. don't ya get it???

mick
16-09-2004, 10:09 AM
Urrrr, 12" Pianist! haha hehe!..................... :talk2hand

Good one!hmmmm

Topcat
16-09-2004, 04:58 PM
A guy walks into a bar and has a seat. He then reaches into a sports bag that he brought with him and pulls out a miniature grand piano about 8 inches wide.

Next he removes a small man about one foot high dressed in a Tuxedo. The miniature mans sits on a miniature stool and starts to play the small piano with great skill.

By this time several people had gathered around in amazement.

One onlooker asks:

"Where did you get him from?"

The man replies:

"I was just walking along the beach on my way to the Pub when I found a Genie's lamp. I gave it a rub and a Genies appeared and gave me one wish!"

Another person asks:

"What did you wish for?"

He replies:

"A twelve inch penis."
:laughing :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

You forgot to tell us the man with the wish ,had hay fever!!

Stuie
26-09-2004, 10:08 PM
-----------------------------------
An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini -
"I want to feel your breasts" he exclaimed.

"Get away from me, you crazy old man" she replied.

"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars," he says.

"Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!"

"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS" he
stated.

"NO! Get away from me!"

"TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS" he offered.

She paused to think about it, but then comes to her senses and says, "I said
NO!"

"FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts," he exclaimed.

She thought, well he is old, and he seems harmless enough... and $500 IS a
lot of money... "Well, OK... but only for a minute."

She loosened her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach,
he slid his hands underneath and began to feel... then he started saying,
"OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD..." while he was caressing them.

Out of curiosity, she asked him, "Why do you keep saying, 'Oh my god, oh my
god'?"

While continuing to feel her breasts he answered, "OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD...
OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD, where am I ever going to get five hundred dollars?"
:i dunno: :i dunno: :i dunno: :i dunno: :i dunno:

Tonyr
26-09-2004, 11:51 PM
Good One Stuie! Bloody funny stuff! :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Gotta give full points to the old guy! :cool: :cool:

mick
05-10-2004, 05:28 PM
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's my entire fault, today is my first day driving a cab.... I've been driving a hearse for the last 35 years."