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Thread: Jokes R Us

  1. #1
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    Default Jokes R Us

    A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.

    After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
    The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

    The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
    To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
    The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

    A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
    The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
    The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?
    The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

    The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.
    Finally, the rabbi said, "Sure beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

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  2. #2
    bigG
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    Talking Re: Jokes R Us



    very nice almost as funny as the cats and dog thread

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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when
    her
    car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered
    her a
    ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they
    rode
    off.

    The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would
    let
    out a "Ye-e-e-e-ha-a-a-a" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding
    hills.

    When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station,

    yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e ha-a-a-a!" and rode off.

    "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the
    service-station
    attendant.

    "Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his

    waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off," the woman

    answered.

    "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

  4. #4
    bigG
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us


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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Kiwi walks into the marital bedroom with a sheep under his arm & says, "Darling, this is the pig I have *** with when you have a headache."

    With disdain, his missus lying in bed replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

    Kiwi says " I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."


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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    who said fishing was fun
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  7. #7
    My1 Management
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    I want to go shark fishing one day. Saw one of these fishing shows once and they were up north, and they were fishing off the beach and they caught some sharks!

    Fishing is great hehe

    Ebony
    Last edited by administrator; 27-06-2006 at 11:49 AM.

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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    good job i only got two friends
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Dog Story

    A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a
    house:

    "Talking Dog For Sale."

    He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
    The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting
    there.

    "You talk?" he asks.

    "Yep," the Lab replies.

    "So, what's your story?"

    The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
    was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA
    about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to
    country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one
    figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable
    spies for eight years running."

    "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting
    any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the
    airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious
    characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and
    was awarded a batch of medals."

    "I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

    The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for
    the dog.

    "Ten dollars," the guy says.

    "Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
    cheap?"

    "Because he's a liar. He never did any of that ****..."

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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Smart Ass Answer #4:

    > A lady is picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery

    > store, but she can't find one big enough for her family. She asks a

    > stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

    > The stock boy replied, "No ma'am. They're dead."

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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Smart Ass Answer #3:

    >

    > The cop gets out of his car and says to the kid who he's stopped for

    > speeding: "I've been waiting for you all day!"

    > The kid replies, "Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could."

    > When the cop finally stops laughing, he sends the kid on his

    >

    > way without a ticket.

    Smart Ass Answer #2:

    >

    > A truck driver is driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up

    > that reads: "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is

    > right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up

    > for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and

    > walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Stuck,

    > huh?"

    > The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran

    > out of gas."

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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Womens humour - watch out men!!!!

    * My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood
    ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When
    I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it
    leaves a big f**king red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll
    buy me a diamond.

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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in Bankstown and,
    trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class
    that she is a Bulldogs fan.
    She asks her students to raise their hands if they, are Bulldogs
    fans.
    Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
    The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why
    didn't you raise your hand?"

    "Because I'm not a Bulldogs fan," she replied. The teacher, still
    shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a Bulldogs fan, then who are
    you a fan of?"
    "I'm a Sea Eagles fan, and proud of it," Mary replied. The teacher
    could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a Sea Eagles fan?"
    Mary then replied "Because my mum and dad are from Dee Why, and so
    my mum is a Sea Eagles fan and my dad is a Sea Eagles fan, so I'm a
    Sea Eagles fan too!"

    "Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's no
    reason for you to be a Sea Eagles fan. You don't have to be just
    like your parents all of the time.
    What if your mum was a prostitute, your dad was a drug addict, and your
    brother was a car thief, what would you be then?"
    "Then," Mary said, "I'd be a Bulldogs fan."

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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Brokeback Ranch-hand Humor

    A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She
    was
    a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew
    very
    little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper
    for a
    ranch hand.

    Two cowboys applied for the job. One was *** and the other an ex-con.
    She
    thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she
    decided to
    hire the *** guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the
    house
    than the ex-con.

    He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew
    a lot
    about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was
    doing
    very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand,
    "You
    have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go
    into
    town and kick up your heels."

    The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
    One
    o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired

    hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he
    found
    the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine,
    waiting
    for him. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and
    take it
    off," she said.

    Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as
    she
    asked, ever so slowly.

    "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly
    by
    her boots.

    "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching
    her
    eyes in the fire light.

    "Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was
    told
    and dropped it to the floor.

    "Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he
    slowly
    pulled them down and off.

    Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town

    again, you're fired."

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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    AHHH THE ANIMAL WORLD SO FRIENDLY
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