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Thread: Jokes R Us

  1. #1021
    Very Helpful Member
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having a
    beer.

    All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the
    air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. "In Seth Efrika our
    glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice,"
    he says.

    The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass
    into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. "Wull mate,
    in Noo Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need
    to drink out the same glass either," he says.

    The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws
    His glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and
    the Kiwi.

    He turns to the astonished barman and says,"In Strailya mate, we have so
    many bloody South Africans and Kiwis that we don't need to drink with the
    same ones twice.
    Anything Ian says may or may not be garbage, it may also be his own opinion or it may not be his opinion at all, it may just be something he felt like stating anyone following his advice does so at their own risk and may be doing something Ian would actually advise against.
    And if you don't like what Ian has to say use the ignore function if you don't know how ask i will gladly tell you

  2. #1022
    Senior Member steveo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    So a rabbit walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Got any carrots?" The bartender says "No sorry, we don't have any carrots."
    The next day the rabbit goes back to the bar and again asks, "Got any carrots?" The bartender is a little annoyed now and snaps back "No! I told you yesterday, we don't have any carrots now get out of here." So, the third day the rabbit goes back to the bar and asks the bartender, "Got any carrots?" The bartender is really pissed now and goes on a little rant, "Listen, I don't know what is wrong with you, but we don't have any carrots. If you come back into this bar again asking for carrots, I'm going to nail you ears to the bar. Now, get out of here."
    Now the fourth day, the rabbit goes back into the bar and asks the bartender, "Got any nails?" The bartender is replies confusedly, "no...I don't have any nails." The rabbits asks "Got any carrots!?"

  3. #1023
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin, Ireland. She raised her right arm,
    revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a woman a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.

    But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

    The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady another drink?"

    Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

    The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"

    The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"




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    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  4. #1024
    Senior Member 4 Gardens's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    hahahahahahaha,,,,, thanks Paul

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