Jokes R Us

[South East Mowing]

After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion and I think it's outrageous . He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves.What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet

too much horsing around I think?

[Redeye]

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"

[BSD]

lol.....................................

[edbeek]

A police officer pulls a man over for speeding.

As the officer approaches the car, he can see that the man is very anxious about something.

"Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?"

"Yes, officer... I know I was speeding -- but it is a matter of life or death."

"Oh, really? How's that?"

"There's a naked woman waiting for me at home."

"I don't see how that is a matter of life or death."

"If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man.”

[Redeye]

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[4 Gardens]

Like!...........

[Redeye]

The doctor took the husband in first.
The husband was a bit embarrassed and told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated.
He checked his blood pressure and other things then said he was going to check with the wife.
He took her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe.
Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly.
She did as instructed. He then told her to turn all the way around in the other direction.
Then he said - "Ok, good - you can get dressed now, and I will talk to your husband".
The doctor went back to the other cubicle and said to the husband, "Well, you can relax, there is nothing wrong with you.
I couldn't get an erection either"

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Bert, at 80 years old, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
"Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret at age 75, looked him over and replied, "Nope."
Frustrated as all get out, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the new boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time,
"Notice anything different NOW???"
Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan response,
"Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Bert yells out,
"AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
Without missing a beat old Margaret replies,
"Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."