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Thread: Jokes R Us

  1. #1006

    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Quote Originally Posted by Redeye View Post
    After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion and I think it's outrageous . He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves.What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet
    too much horsing around I think?
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  2. #1007
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"




    http://www.curraronglawnsngarden.com/

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    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  3. #1008
    Senior Member BSD's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    lol.....................................

  4. #1009
    Senior Member edbeek's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    A police officer pulls a man over for speeding.

    As the officer approaches the car, he can see that the man is very anxious about something.

    "Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?"

    "Yes, officer... I know I was speeding -- but it is a matter of life or death."

    "Oh, really? How's that?"

    "There's a naked woman waiting for me at home."

    "I don't see how that is a matter of life or death."

    "If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man.”

  5. #1010
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    17990961_1050686481698439_2356807373046281059_n.jpg


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    http://www.curraronglawnsngarden.com/

    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  6. #1011
    Senior Member 4 Gardens's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Like!...........

  7. #1012
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    The doctor took the husband in first.
    The husband was a bit embarrassed and told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated.
    He checked his blood pressure and other things then said he was going to check with the wife.
    He took her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe.
    Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly.
    She did as instructed. He then told her to turn all the way around in the other direction.
    Then he said - "Ok, good - you can get dressed now, and I will talk to your husband".
    The doctor went back to the other cubicle and said to the husband, "Well, you can relax, there is nothing wrong with you.
    I couldn't get an erection either"

    .................................................. .................................................. ..............................................

    Bert, at 80 years old, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
    Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife,
    "Notice anything different about me?"
    Margaret at age 75, looked him over and replied, "Nope."
    Frustrated as all get out, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the new boots.
    Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time,
    "Notice anything different NOW???"
    Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan response,
    "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
    Furious, Bert yells out,
    "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
    "Nope. Not a clue", she replied.
    "IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
    Without missing a beat old Margaret replies,
    "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."




    http://www.curraronglawnsngarden.com/

    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  8. #1013
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    An old blind cowboy strolls into a bar one day. Without knowing it, he has actually entered an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

    He wanders over to a bar stool and asks the bartender for a shot of Jack Daniels.

    He sits there for a while, then calls out to the bartender. “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

    At that point the entire bar falls deadly silent.

    In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
    1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
    2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a club.
    3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in Karate.
    4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
    5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

    Now, think about it seriously, cowboy… Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?”

    The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,

    “No… Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”




    http://www.curraronglawnsngarden.com/

    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

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