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Thread: Jokes R Us

  1. #136
    Senior Member lawn order's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    the worlds quickest joke.

    "A FUR SEAL WALKS INTO A CLUB!"

  2. #137
    Senior Member lawn order's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    His brother walked into a bar!

  3. #138
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    CATHOLIC PARROTS
    A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
    'Father, I have a problem.
    I have two female parrots,
    but they only know how to say one thing.'
    'What do they say?' the priest inquired.
    They say,
    'Hi, we're hookers!
    Do you want to have some fun?'
    That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,
    then he thought for a moment.
    'You know,' he said,
    'I may have a solution to your problem.
    I have two male talking parrots,
    which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
    Bring your two parrots over to my house,
    and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
    My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,
    and your parrots are sure to stop saying . . .
    that phrase . . in no time.'
    Thank you,' the woman responded,
    'this may very well be the solution.'
    The next day,
    she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
    As he ushered her in,
    she saw that his two male parrots
    were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
    Impressed,
    she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
    After a few minutes,
    the female parrots cried out in unison:
    Hi, we're hookers!
    Do you want to have some fun?'
    There was stunned silence.Shocked,
    one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot
    and exclaimed,
    'Put the beads away, Frank.
    Our prayers have been answered!'
    Anything Ian says may or may not be garbage, it may also be his own opinion or it may not be his opinion at all, it may just be something he felt like stating anyone following his advice does so at their own risk and may be doing something Ian would actually advise against.
    And if you don't like what Ian has to say use the ignore function if you don't know how ask i will gladly tell you

  4. #139
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    just noticed one of my other posts was deleted on another thread so will try on here
    why are there no racist white jokes
    answer 1: it's bad enough being white with out joking about it
    answer 2: you shouldn't joke about those less fortunate than yourself
    Anything Ian says may or may not be garbage, it may also be his own opinion or it may not be his opinion at all, it may just be something he felt like stating anyone following his advice does so at their own risk and may be doing something Ian would actually advise against.
    And if you don't like what Ian has to say use the ignore function if you don't know how ask i will gladly tell you

  5. #140
    Senior Member twin_cities_lawncare's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    I'm thinking a lot of the posts from the general section belong here...
    Ciao for now ~ Christine
    senior partner of "Townsville Lawn Care"

    "Twin Cities Lawncare" was re-named in 2008
    due to the amalgamation of two local councils -
    Due to confusion of previous/current business name,
    I'm opting to post in here as Christine Wharton now

  6. #141
    PESTIE
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    there is only one joke on this site and thats Ian he is a joke on other lawn care sites as well

  7. #142
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    and once again another personal insult with no references to back up the assertions but it is nice to see the new members are posting
    Anything Ian says may or may not be garbage, it may also be his own opinion or it may not be his opinion at all, it may just be something he felt like stating anyone following his advice does so at their own risk and may be doing something Ian would actually advise against.
    And if you don't like what Ian has to say use the ignore function if you don't know how ask i will gladly tell you

  8. #143
    Member of Forum haireyscarie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Quote Originally Posted by ian
    and once again another personal insult with no references to back up the assertions but it is nice to see the new members are posting
    lol
    poor ian
    []

  9. #144
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    i see another attempt at a personal insult by trying to imply that i'm so ineffectual and incompetent at my chosen profession that i can't earn enough money to be anything but poor.
    Anything Ian says may or may not be garbage, it may also be his own opinion or it may not be his opinion at all, it may just be something he felt like stating anyone following his advice does so at their own risk and may be doing something Ian would actually advise against.
    And if you don't like what Ian has to say use the ignore function if you don't know how ask i will gladly tell you

  10. #145
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Professional, affluent, wind up merchant who honestly thinks he's funny ian?

    Dude, seriously... if you act like you do.. what do you expect?

  11. #146
    Senior Member mowjoman's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    FFS!!!
    Maybe there should be a titled thread specially for ya mate so as to keep others free from ya S*I*
    Lawn Maintenence
    Buisness chat
    Ian
    Landscape forum
    Giddy up!!

  12. #147
    Senior Member twin_cities_lawncare's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    You Might be a Redneck Gardener If:

    You mow your lawn and find a wheelbarrow.
    A half moon reminds you of your fat husband pulling weeds.
    You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
    You don't water your front yard rather than mow it.
    You know how many bags of fertilizer your car can hold.
    You've ever cleaned your house with a leaf blower.
    You empty the trash when you have enough to fill up the pickup.
    You can amuse yourself for more that an hour with a hose.
    You've been cited for reckless driving on a riding lawn mower.
    You move your weed-eater to take a bath.
    Ciao for now ~ Christine
    senior partner of "Townsville Lawn Care"

    "Twin Cities Lawncare" was re-named in 2008
    due to the amalgamation of two local councils -
    Due to confusion of previous/current business name,
    I'm opting to post in here as Christine Wharton now

  13. #148
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    so people break the forum rules by making personal insults and when i point out that they are doing so i get more personal insults and obviously the admin just doesn't give a **** well the truth is nether do i
    Anything Ian says may or may not be garbage, it may also be his own opinion or it may not be his opinion at all, it may just be something he felt like stating anyone following his advice does so at their own risk and may be doing something Ian would actually advise against.
    And if you don't like what Ian has to say use the ignore function if you don't know how ask i will gladly tell you

  14. #149
    Valued Country Member Shepparton Lawn Care's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Ian, maybe if you feel that way, it may be time to find a new hobby else where and let everyone else on the forum use it for the way it is was intended to be used... To share Mowing experiences, ask mowing,business questions and to learn from each other. Kind Regards, SimonSLC

  15. #150
    Senior Member lawn order's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Ian, forget the stirr mate, to distract your detractors come out with some A1 info or any clever post. the tide always turns.
    While I'm on your page the pressure is off you - only too glad to assist.
    By the way as per being the Supreme being, Maybe that's a bit Uppity.
    I mean I havn't heard your rendition of "Baby Love" or
    "Ain't no mountain high enough"
    But- and no buts about it Dianna Ross's version of "Love Child" is the Supreme Supremes supremecy of a MOtown symphony.
    Stay with it kid! Yuo're on track.

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