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Thread: Jokes R Us

  1. #196
    Senior Member tree beard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    so a wifes birthday is coming up and it is one of those big ones that ends in a zero! Of late she has felt the need to express herself and nothing like a little red porsche to make that Im not getting old statement

    So knowing that her dearly beloved will want to spoil her she starts laying the ground work for her present. After all she is worth it and men really do have to be lead in these matters. Brochures are left around the house, magazines open at the appropriate page.

    So with the conviction of a woman loved, when the question of her birthday and present are mentioned she says she would be happy with some thing red that does o to 100 in three seconds. The husband nodds and winks and her heart soars with joy as she knows he truly got the message.

    The big day arrives and before she can even get out of bed her husband hands her a box neatly wrapped with a big bow on it and gives her a peck on the cheek.

    Happy birthday honey, it took a while but I got you what you wanted he says with a smile

    Perplexed and guessing that the keys and owners manual are inside she ripps into her present.


    Inside a set of red bathroom scales

  2. #197
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    I just read that last joke to my wife... the Dr. tells me the swelling will go down in a few days but my eye will be black for a month...

  3. #198
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Good to read a joke or 2 at the end of the business day i reckon :

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  4. #199
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    look at pic lolololol
    Attached Images Attached Images

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  5. #200
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Three Tasmanians are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze.

    1st Hillbilly says: "My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner. "

    2nd Hillbilly says: "Why is that stupid?"

    1st Hillbilly says: "We ain't got no 'lectricity!"

    2nd Hillbilly says: "That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin ' machines!"

    1st Hillbilly says: "Why is that so stupid?"

    2nd Hillbilly says: "'Cause we ain't got no plummin'!"

    3rd Hillbilly says: "That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar."



    1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: "Well, what's so dumb about that?"

    3rd Hillbilly says: "She ain't got no dick

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  6. #201
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    Exclamation Re: Jokes R Us

    Whats the best thing to come out of Melbourne ?

  7. #202
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Tasmania lol it broke off from Victoria
    Last edited by administrator; 24-06-2008 at 09:13 PM.

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  8. #203
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Quote Originally Posted by administrator
    Tamania lol it broke off from Victoria
    Yeah we saved ourselves MANY years ago

    I heard the best thing to come out of Victoria was the Newell Highway... any truth to that ?

  9. #204
    Senior Member lawn order's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Quote Originally Posted by lifestyle
    Whats the best thing to come out of Melbourne ?
    When you say best - do you mean least worst?

  10. #205
    Senior Member lawn order's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Quote Originally Posted by lawn order
    When you say best - do you mean least worst?
    P.S. Best or beast?

  11. #206
    Senior Member mowjoman's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    After having their 11th child, a Tasmanian couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor/veterinarian and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Tasmanian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a firecracker in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me. "Trust me,"said the doctor.

    So the man went home, lit a firecracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

    "1"

    "2"

    "3"

    "4"

    "5"

    at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

  12. #207
    Senior Member tree beard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Tasmainian Jokes! you never get tired of them

  13. #208
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    ROFLMAO

  14. #209
    Senior Member mowjoman's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    A true story.....

    When I was in the mines I used to work with a bloke from Tassie. Being the ever smart a*se the first time I met him I said, " Ahgrr from Tassie ay? So wheres the scare mate?"
    He pulled his collar aside and said, "Here", producing a 4" scar down the side of his neck.
    Talk about ROFLMAO!!!!!
    Anyway we became good mates and he was proud of his "scar" and would repete the joke time and again on new and unsuspecting..."Ahrr from Tassie ay" people which would always bring the same reaction.

  15. #210
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