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Thread: Jokes R Us

  1. #436
    Member Andy B's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Quote Originally Posted by imoww View Post
    How do i post a pic on the forum?
    Ive got a cartoon or two to post
    Click on post reply then down below there should be a manage attachments section. Use that

    And in the mean time enjoy some Chuck Norris jokes...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCqAUaNcAJE

  2. #437
    Senior Member imoww's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Two cartoons ive done ages ago.
    Attached Images Attached Images

  3. #438
    Senior Member DavidS's Avatar
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    No way Budd Re: Jokes R Us

    The best joke is on TV Now in Eastern states, what a load of rubbish, waste of time and money. They are the same parties just new donkeys as heads.

  4. #439
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.
    The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said,
    "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

    The blondes all nodded.

    The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.
    Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said,
    "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect.
    You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."

    So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
    "Now,"
    he said,
    "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

    The blonde immediately said,
    "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

    The detective shook his head and said,
    "Of course he has only one eye in this picture!
    It's a profile of his face!
    You're dismissed!"

    The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

    The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said,
    "What about you? Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?"

    "Yes! He only has one ear!"

    The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed,
    "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady?
    This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!
    You're excused too!"

    The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

    The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said,
    "This is probably a waste of time, but...."
    He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying,
    "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or Unusual about this man?"

    The blonde said,
    "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses.
    " The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
    He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said,
    "You're absolutely right!
    His bio says he wears contacts!
    How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

    The blonde rolled her eyes and said,
    "Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only
    One eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  5. #440
    Senior Member imoww's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Quote Originally Posted by imoww View Post
    Two cartoons ive done ages ago.
    A few more cartoons to add

  6. #441
    Member of forum Sandgroper's Avatar
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  7. #442
    Senior Member 63impala's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    This video is good I like the bit at 40sec 60inch cut lol lol

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOKuSQIJlog

  8. #443
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    UNIVERSITY STUDY (very interesting and short)

    A study worth sharing with friends both male and female:

    A study conducted by Sydney University 's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest with a cricket bat up his arse while he is on fire.
    No further studies are expected on this subject.
    Anything Ian says may or may not be garbage, it may also be his own opinion or it may not be his opinion at all, it may just be something he felt like stating anyone following his advice does so at their own risk and may be doing something Ian would actually advise against.
    And if you don't like what Ian has to say use the ignore function if you don't know how ask i will gladly tell you

  9. #444
    Senior Member Mrs HMS's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    empirical evidence would support this Ian
    ~ Joanne ~

  10. #445
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied a ship in

    distress. "Follow me, son," the father shark said to the son shark

    and they swam to the ship. "First we swim around the people in the

    water with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.



    "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all

    of our fins showing." And they did. "Now we eat everybody."



    And they did. When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why

    didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and

    around them?



    His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the

    sh!t inside!"




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  11. #446
    Senior Member Bluey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Q: How do Kiwi's practice safe ***.

    A: They spray paint a red X on the back of sheep that kick.
    Cheers

    Bluey
    Adelaide Home & Garden Solutions
    http://www.ahgs.com.au


    "Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when everyone is watching."

  12. #447
    Member Andy B's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Heard this one yesterday...

    Guy goes to a doctor and asks how to get rid of his bad breath...

    Doctor says stop chewing your nails or scratching your butt.

  13. #448
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    the diferance between men and women
    if a man talks dirty to a woman it's ***ual harassment but if a woman talks dirty to a man it's $4.95 p/minute
    Anything Ian says may or may not be garbage, it may also be his own opinion or it may not be his opinion at all, it may just be something he felt like stating anyone following his advice does so at their own risk and may be doing something Ian would actually advise against.
    And if you don't like what Ian has to say use the ignore function if you don't know how ask i will gladly tell you

  14. #449
    Member Andy B's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Speaking of dirty, heard one the other day.

    You know how people write "I wish my wife was this dirty" on their dirty cars, well my friend underneath it "She is when you're not home."

  15. #450
    Senior Member gcsmow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Parking spaces are like women at a party, if you get there late all the good ones are taken so when no one is looking you stick it in the disabled one.

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