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Thread: Jokes R Us

  1. #511
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    One dismal rainy night in Sydney, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving
    from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he
    rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed
    the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was
    startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.
    "Where to?" he stammered. "Kings Cross," answered the woman.
    "You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror. The
    woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you
    looking at, driver?"
    "Well madam," he answered, "I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare."
    The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled
    at the driver and said, "Does this answer your question?"
    Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller?"

  2. #512
    Senior Member Bluey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    lol...I liked that one Redeye. Even the missus laughed.
    Cheers

    Bluey
    Adelaide Home & Garden Solutions
    http://www.ahgs.com.au


    "Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when everyone is watching."

  3. #513
    Senior Member mowjoman's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Yesterday morning, I saw a radical Muslim, ranting on about Western
    aggression in the peace loving Islamic paradise of Afghanistan.

    He was standing on a jetty on the Maroochy River.

    He got so excited he lost his footing and fell into the river and could
    not swim.

    Being a responsible citizen, I notified the emergency services.

    By noon today, they still hadn't arrived.

    I'm beginning to think I've wasted a f*#@ing stamp!
    Cheers, Jason.

    If your lawns and garden's have lost their Mojo...
    Call Mowjo Man

  4. #514
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    2 blokes walk into a take away food store.

    The fat lady behind the counter asks what would they like to order.

    The first bloke says "I'll have a double meat hamburger"

    With that she gets 2 slabs of hamburger mince from the freezer & puts them under each armpit.

    Explaining that you know its fresh as you can see me thaw it out.

    She says to the next bloke "and what will you have'

    He says "I was gonna have a hotdog but I think I'll give it a miss!"

  5. #515
    Senior Member gcsmow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    One day Kate Middleton was having tea with the Queen and asked her for some advice on a long and happy marriage.
    She replied
    "Wear a seat belt and don't piss me off !!"

  6. #516
    Senior Member gcsmow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Osama Bin Laden World hide and seek champion 2001 - 2011.

  7. #517
    Senior Member imoww's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Quote Originally Posted by gcsmow View Post
    one day kate middleton was having tea with the queen and asked her for some advice on a long and happy marriage.
    She replied
    "wear a seat belt and don't piss me off !!"
    i love this one...... Crack up...!

  8. #518
    Senior Member gcsmow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Yes, not bad but it would have been very inappropriate 14 years ago.

    Quote Originally Posted by imoww View Post
    i love this one...... Crack up...!

  9. #519
    Senior Member imoww's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Quote Originally Posted by gcsmow View Post
    Yes, not bad but it would have been very inappropriate 14 years ago.
    Funny tho... I mentioned something about the conspiricay sourrounding Dianna's incident to my wife the other day. Then i found out the hard way that her family are big on the royals and they believe Dianna's incident was an unfortunate accident...

  10. #520
    Senior Member mowjoman's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Quote Originally Posted by gcsmow View Post
    Osama Bin Laden World hide and seek champion 2001 - 2011.
    Apparentley Elton Johns been asked to play his funeral too. Gonna play "Sandals in the bin"
    Cheers, Jason.

    If your lawns and garden's have lost their Mojo...
    Call Mowjo Man

  11. #521
    Member geoff1969's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    QUOTE=mowjoman;69364]Apparentley Elton Johns been asked to play his funeral too. Gonna play "Sandals in the bin" [/QUOTE]

    [

  12. #522
    Senior Member gcsmow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Excellent. 10/10.

    Quote Originally Posted by geoff1969 View Post
    QUOTE=mowjoman;69364]Apparentley Elton Johns been asked to play his funeral too. Gonna play "Sandals in the bin"
    [[/QUOTE]

  13. #523
    Senior Member gcsmow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    I thought that was going to be a *** joke for sure.

  14. #524
    Senior Member gcsmow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    OK then, homo***ual joke.

  15. #525
    Senior Member gcsmow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Ummmm ... Fag joke.

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