A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'
He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, 'That was incredible!'
He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.
After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.
He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer
'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Newcastle but I worked both sides of the Hunter'
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ...
Two soldier boys, Mick & Paddy, have been promoted from privates to L/Cpls.
Not long afterward, they're out for a walk and Mick says, "Hey, Paddy, there's the NCO Club; let's you and me step in."
"But we’re only privates," protests Paddy.
"We’re Lance/Cpls now," says Mick, pointing to his stripe and pulling him inside.
"Now, Paddy, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink."
"But we're privates," says Paddy.
"Are you blind, boy?" asks Mick, pointing again at his stripe. "We're Lance/Cpls now!"
So they have their drink, and pretty soon a one of the Army lass’s comes up to Mick.
"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea."
Mick pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Paddy, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."
So Paddy goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Mick the big Thumbs Up.
Three weeks later Mick is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhoea.
Mick says to Paddy, "Why the hell did you give me the thumbs up?
"Well Mick, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhoea affects only the privates."
Pointing to his stripe, he says, "and we're Lance Cpls now!"