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Thread: Jokes R Us

  1. #931
    Senior Member steveo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Quote Originally Posted by Redeye View Post
    That is a bewdy

  2. #932
    Senior Member lawn order's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    red dye.
    Good too see you know your chooks.
    lots of people don't know the difference between a rooster and hen.
    You know that a pullet is a pretty young lady chook, capable of both laying and reproducing.
    Few people know the sterile male chook, a capon.
    Definition of capon in English:
    noun
    A castrated domestic cock fattened for eating. {oxforddictionaries.com}.
    I, personally, resent the insult that I am domesticated.

  3. #933
    Senior Member AJD Mowing's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    The Explanation
    Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.

    People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe. Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full, so, too, do humans take longer to access information when their brains are full.

    Researchers say this slowing down process is not the same as cognitive decline.
    The human brain works slower in old age, said Dr. Michael Ramscar, but only because we have stored more information over time The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more.
    Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.

    SO THERE!!

    I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names...
    AJD Mowing Giving Back Your Life

    http://www.ajdmowing.com.au/

  4. #934
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    a teacher in a Detroit kindergarten asked the pupils what kind of noise a pig makes

    Little Tyrone stood up and yelled "Freeze muthaf*cka!!"




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  5. #935
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    An Aussie and an acquaintance were sitting at a bar in Sydney when this huge,
    Burly American guy walks in. As he passes the Aussie, he hits him on the
    Neck knocking him to the floor.The big, burly Yank says,"That's a karate
    Chop from Korea." Well, the Aussie gets back on his barstool and resumes
    Drinking his beer.


    The burly Yank then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the
    Aussie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the
    Floor."That's a judo chop from Japan", he says.


    The Aussie decides he's had enough and leaves. A half hour later he comes
    Back and sees the burly Yank bastard sitting at the bar. He walks up behind
    Him and smacks him on the head, knocking him out.


    The Aussie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up mate, tell him that was
    A f**king crowbar from Bunnings."

    .................................................. .................................................. ..........

    Chester says to Earl "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any
    ducks out in the pond.
    If there aren't many ducks out there, I'm not going hunting".
    So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks
    twice.

    Chester says "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out
    there".
    Earl says "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?"
    Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself.
    When he gets back
    he says "I don't believe it. There really are only two ducks out
    there!
    Where did you get that dog?"
    Chester says "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you
    want one, you can get one from him".
    So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his
    friend Chester has.
    The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out
    and look for ducks.
    Minutes later the dog returns shaking its head with a stick in its
    mouth, and starts humping Earl's leg..
    Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says "This dog
    is a fraud. I want my money back!"
    The breeder asks Earl what the dog did.
    So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it
    came back shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and started
    humping his leg.
    The breeder says "Earl, dogs can't talk. He was trying to tell you
    there are more f**king ducks out there than you can shake a stick
    at".




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  6. #936
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    be warned!!!!!


    11025919_780091432074920_6925932953704130345_o.jpg

    and the post that went with it...."Masturbation is a sin. Self-***ing is not only bad for your physical and mental health, but also destroys your spiritual wellbeing. If you ring the devil's doorbell, Satan will open up Hell's gates and drag you in! The same principle also applies to men: if you touch your sin stick, you are buying a one way ticket to the fiery inferno. Take the pledge to be pure in body and mind TODAY!! smile emoticon

    God bless you all - Margaret"

    gotta love faeces book lol




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  7. #937
    Senior Member Mow And Go's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Bahahahahaahaha classic
    I dont break things ...I just use them beyond their operational limitations
    www.mowandgogardening.com.au

  8. #938
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    The only cow in a small town in the Latrobe Valley in the Australian state of Victoria, stopped giving milk.

    The people did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Woy Woy in New South Wales for $500.00. They bought the cow from Woy Woy and the cow was wonderful.

    It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased – Yes! Very happy.

    They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it.

    They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

    They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

    The people were very upset and decided to ask the local veterinarian, who was very wise, what to do.

    They told the vet what was happening. “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away,” they said. “If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side.”

    The veterinarian thinks about this for a minute and asks, “Did you buy this cow in Woy Woy?”

    The people were dumbfounded because they had never mentioned to the vet where they bought the cow. “You are truly a wise vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow in Woy Woy?”



    The veterinarian replied, with a distant look in his eye. “My wife is from Woy Woy!”




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  9. #939
    Senior Member steveo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    I've met lots of woman from woy woy.

  10. #940
    Senior Member imoww's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Love it.... Devils doorbell.....
    Everything looks good with a haircut.... ɐuıɥɔ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐl ǝɥʇ sʇɐɥʇ

  11. #941
    Senior Member imoww's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Stop touching your clit..I know you have one..
    Quote Originally Posted by Mow And Go View Post
    Bahahahahaahaha classic
    Everything looks good with a haircut.... ɐuıɥɔ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐl ǝɥʇ sʇɐɥʇ

  12. #942
    Senior Member Mow And Go's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    just jealous I can find one and you cant lol
    I dont break things ...I just use them beyond their operational limitations
    www.mowandgogardening.com.au

  13. #943
    Senior Member glassngrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Quote Originally Posted by Mow And Go View Post
    just jealous I can find one and you cant lol
    Ben found his 'little man in a boat'
    David
    Mr Sparkle Car Spa

  14. #944
    Senior Member imoww's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"
    Everything looks good with a haircut.... ɐuıɥɔ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐl ǝɥʇ sʇɐɥʇ

  15. #945
    Senior Member GardeningSolutions's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Two jokes last Friday. 1st; 1pm Frday get sent a text from a unknown with a picture of really overgrown yard. The message went how much do you charge to cut this slightly overgrown yard?
    2nd; 3pm Friday get phone call from a unknown travelling down to his holiday house wanting it cut that arvo.
    Friday's before the long weekend certainly brings them out of the woodwork. Nothing like leaving things to the last minute.

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