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Thread: Jokes R Us

  1. #961
    Senior Member Arfa Brayne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Big medical convention in London - heaps of different leading specialists at the bar - all bragging.

    Brazillian Doctor .... We have been perfecting heart transplants - our surgeons can now take a man without a functioning heart, transplant a donor heart, and the patient is up and out looking for work 3 weeks later !

    British doctor .. Well our chaps are so adept at microsurgery now, that only 2 months ago we had a gent born without testicles. We were able to attach a set of testicles from an organ donor and it was a complete success. He's now up, walking about and looking for work.

    American Doctor .. Why son, thaats very impressive indeeed !! But ah can tell y'all that we have gone one better in the good ole USA. A few months ago, our leading neurologist took a man who's brain had been vapourised by a shotgun blast to the head, and grafted in a donor brain from a drowning victim. Ah can tell y'all that now, only three months later, that man has fully recovered and is out looking for work !!

    The Aussie Barman turns to the three Doctors ....... Not to take anything away from you blokes, but in Australia we just took a man with no heart, no balls and no brain - elected him prime minister, and only a few months later, everyone in the country is out looking for work.
    "Can't" is a dirty 4 letter word.
    If someone says "Can't" , take the "T" off the end and brew it.
    Sip on a mugfull, relax, and take a look at what you've got left to work with.

  2. #962
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    v good - factual too




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  3. #963
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    was at the local after mowing all day having a coldie, the barmaid yells out "anyone here know CPR?" l yelled out " l know the whole bl00dy alphabet!" and we all laughed ...well, except for that one bloke




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  4. #964
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    just saw this on faecesbook....

    10481770_438516583015893_9108573393760935171_n.jpg

    unbelievable...gotta be in Murica




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  5. #965
    MEMBER Fred's mowing's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Not justifying this in anyway but, looks like he has his hand on the disengage leaver ?
    Blades MAY be disengaged ? Still stupid !
    Snow shovel, May be Murica ?
    Cheers Fred.
    Ps, don't wear rings, etc whilst using these machines.
    Pps, don't feed a Norfolk island Hibiscus through these machines

  6. #966
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    11951279_428023917392571_3770173966541609268_n.jpg

    ..................................................




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  7. #967
    Senior Member Mow And Go's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Classic lol maccas 4 lyf
    I dont break things ...I just use them beyond their operational limitations
    www.mowandgogardening.com.au

  8. #968
    Senior Member imoww's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    A blonde joke....
    "Hi Mom, How are you?"

    "Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at Bunnings"

    "Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they've let me make one phone call"

    "What happened?"

    "Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head."

    "What on earth, why did you do that?"

    "Well it wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker."
    Everything looks good with a haircut.... ɐuıɥɔ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐl ǝɥʇ sʇɐɥʇ

  9. #969
    Senior Member BSD's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Today I had a bird crap on my windscreen, took ages to clean it all off, i'll never be taking her out again.

  10. #970
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    lol

    ..............




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  11. #971
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Nearly shagged a Lady boy last night.
    Picked him up in a night club. He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman.. Danced like a woman.

    Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement!

    That's when I thought - Hang on just a minute!

    *****************************

    I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.
    I shouted - Where you off to Charlie?
    He said, I'm off to change a light bulb.
    Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing, then said,
    - That's gonna be a bit awkward isn't it.
    - Not really. he said. I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.

    ************************************************** **********

    I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.
    My next crap could spell disaster.
    *****************************

    Went out last night and got really wasted.
    I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring and farting … so, at least I got home OK
    ****************************
    Went out last night and got really wasted.
    I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring and farting … so, at least I got home OK
    ****************************

    Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.
    "Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
    "German," she replies.
    "Occupation?
    "No, just here for a few days."
    ******************************
    I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.
    Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
    ******************************

    "Jesus Loves You."
    Nice to hear in church but not in a Mexican prison.
    ****************************

    Got caught having a piss in the local swimming pool today.
    The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.
    *****************************




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  12. #972
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    got sent a coffee mug from University of Northern Territory....might need a re-design

    Untitled attachment 00156.jpg




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  13. #973
    Senior Member BSD's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    lol.....................

  14. #974
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us





    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  15. #975
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
    Arlene: What in the hell is that?
    Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
    Arlene: Where did you get it?
    Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
    The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
    announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
    The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
    'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

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