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Thread: Jokes R Us

  1. #976
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy."
    Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say : "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
    At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice : "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."
    Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says : "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad."
    "Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little bastard's name is Kevin."




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  2. #977
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    1622224_10152712504188678_710766807290010050_n.jpg


    ......................................




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  3. #978
    Senior Member edbeek's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Sometimes it's hard to clock off work

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOE_J9DZq4o

  4. #979
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to
    play together.

    One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog
    and began to sink.

    Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to
    go get the farmer for help!

    Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.. Arriving at the farm, he searched
    and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with
    the only tractor.

    Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.

    Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with
    a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

    Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken
    arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of
    the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

    After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the
    chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike,
    rescued the horse!

    Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the
    farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

    The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best
    Buddies, Best Pals.

    A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and
    soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

    The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the
    large puddle.

    Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he
    would then lift him out of the pit.

    The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and
    out, saving his life.

    The moral of the story, (yep, you betcha, there IS a moral!)?

    "When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't, Need
    A Harley To Pick Up Chicks".




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  5. #980
    Senior Member edbeek's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    My wife and I went to the Royal Show and one of the first exhibits we
    stopped at was the breeding bulls.. We went up to the first pen and
    there was a sign attached that said,

    ' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR '

    My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs .......Smiled and said, 'He
    mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'

    We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
    ''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

    My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice!
    a week ! .........You could learn a lot from him.'

    We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
    in capital letters,
    'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'

    My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
    'That's once a day .You could REALLY learn something from this one.'

    I looked at her and said,
    'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.'

    My condition has been upgraded from critical
    to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.

  6. #981
    Senior Member edbeek's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.
    One knight told his best friend - "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade."
    The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.
    Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.
    A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend.
    He yells - "Hey dude, you gave me the wrong key!!"

  7. #982
    Senior Member steveo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Parking Inspectors, they're all heart!

    parking.jpg

  8. #983
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us





    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  9. #984
    Member Greenie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    I had too look twice..im not sure if i was looking at the front of her or her back

  10. #985
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    she's an adaptable lass




    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  11. #986
    Senior Member steveo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    That's not a mower, that's a g-string.

  12. #987
    Senior Member steveo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    Quote Originally Posted by Greenie View Post
    I had too look twice..im not sure if i was looking at the front of her or her back
    Unfortunately I had to look twice too.

  13. #988
    Senior Member AJD Mowing's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    4 Boobs ......
    AJD Mowing Giving Back Your Life

    http://www.ajdmowing.com.au/

  14. #989
    Member Redeye's Avatar
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    http://curraronggardening.com/

    "All sin is washed away in the Holy goodness of Beer"
    Book of Redeye, Psalm 69

  15. #990
    Senior Member Mow And Go's Avatar
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    Default Re: Jokes R Us

    That's classic, some of the other ones are even further gone from common sense though lol
    I dont break things ...I just use them beyond their operational limitations
    www.mowandgogardening.com.au

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