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Thread: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

  1. #16
    Senior Member Bluey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs HMS View Post
    Paul, firstly you need to know that there are people out there who can help you. Go and see your GP (ask for a long appointment), lay it all on the line and ask for a mental health plan. Once you have the mental health plan in place it will entitle you to see professionals such as psychologists and it will be covered by Medicare which will help when money is tight.

    In order to get the most out of it, you have to be completely honest and upfront with your doctor. I know that men can tend to bottle things up, put on a brave face and in that way can be their own worst enemies.

    When the black dog of depression hits you it can seem like you are in a pit so deep that you can never see the light or climb back out but you CAN, with professional help.

    You have those boys and you are their father, they love you unconditionally and need you in their lives for as long as possible, long enough to watch them grow and guide them to adulthood, watch them have kids of their own and bounce those grandkids on your knee. If you were to do something drastic now, their lives will never be the same. Ever.

    Depression is a horrible thing and not just for the sufferer, often those around have no idea what's going on and just see this person who is different that the one they know, a person who is withdrawn all the time because the focus with depression is always inwards. If, like most people you aren't sharing this with your partner then perhaps she doesn't understand why you have pulled away from her and it has made her angry....this may explain why she's spending so much time with her girlfriend...to get the support she needs to try and understand without having the benefit of the full story of what is going on with you.

    Can you ask a relative to take the boys one evening so you and your partner can spend some time talking. Be really honest with her about how you feel. Reassure her that it's nothing she has done or not done. Ask her to help you get through it, together.

    The the first available opportunity go and see your doctor, take that first step on the road to recovery.

    In the meantime try http://www.menshealthaustralia.net

    Even though you may not see it now, there is light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes you just need someone to help you through until you can see it.

    This is probably the best post of the year. Remember Paul and now TLLG that all you have to do is ask for help. We are a family in Indy and family look after their own.
    Cheers

    Bluey
    Adelaide Home & Garden Solutions
    http://www.ahgs.com.au


    "Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when everyone is watching."

  2. #17
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    Default Re: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

    just think how upset the kids will be and they could well wonder if it was something they did
    also it's not fair on the people who have to find your body and clean up the mess
    and also finding your body could be the final straw for someone else then you would be partly responsible for there death
    and you could win lotto this week which will be useless if i'm dead

    these are 4 reasons i usually try to think of for going on
    Anything Ian says may or may not be garbage, it may also be his own opinion or it may not be his opinion at all, it may just be something he felt like stating anyone following his advice does so at their own risk and may be doing something Ian would actually advise against.
    And if you don't like what Ian has to say use the ignore function if you don't know how ask i will gladly tell you

  3. #18
    Senior Member PaulG's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bluey
    Even when you think your having the blackest day there is always someone else out there doing it tougher.
    I tell myself this every single day Bluey; I really do. I think about families who lost everything including loved ones in the recent flash floods here, I think about my little brother dying when he was just seven years old (when I was ten). I think about my father leaving the following year. I think about my mother who went back to study at 40 years of age to become a teacher to support us growing up. She taught for a bit over ten years then was diagnosed with cancer and died 18 months later on Good Friday 1997. I think about one of my other brothers who has never dealt with our Mum's death and is still drug affected. I pray for him every day. I think about lots of things. I think too much.


    Joanne I won't individually quote any of what you said because I want say thanks for everything you said. As much as it's good to talk to the guys it's good to also have a perspective from another female. I am deadly honest with people and often this is what can end up inflaming situations sometimes.

    I've known, and still know, a lot of people suffering from depression and on one 4WD forum I'm on some of the guys have actually started a website to help mates seek help and try to discuss the issue/s openly which I have no trouble doing.

    Unfortunately I have no family anymore (apart from the two brothers I never see) so I am alone here when it comes to getting a break from the kids or having someone to look after them. If I do want have some time away for even a day my partner thinks I am being selfish, even though I stay home to look after the boys if she wants to have a night out or go away for a weekend to do a scrapbooking course or the like.

    To this point my GP is the only person I have discussed things with in any depth but that practice is just a factory and it seems like anything said is just glossed over unfortunately. Maybe I need to be more direct in asking for help...

    Ian you raised some points which have stuck in my head. On a lighter note, I can only keep hoping about Gold Lotto. That would be a Godsend. All I can do is keep working as much as I can despite my illness. If I don't I lose my house.

    More of you have replied than I can individually reply to, but thank you all. I will still be here when the sun rises on Good Friday.

  4. #19
    Member geoff1969's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

    I've known, and still know, a lot of people suffering from depression and on one 4WD forum I'm on some of the guys have actually started a website to help mates seek help and try to discuss the issue/s openly which I have no trouble doing.

    what 4x4 forum you on paul im offten on 4x4 australia ,

  5. #20
    Member Mick's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

    Paul, can I ask what your illness is? It will just help coming up with some options.

    From what Im reading, sounds to me your wife is being totally less than helpful with this. Have you sat her down and explained everything (sternly) like you have here, REALLY let her know that you are serious and that there are some very serious issues?

    Its times like this when the wife/partner should really step up and be helpful rather than being a hindrance.

  6. #21
    Senior Member Anjaryan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

    I would reiterate what most people have said here Paul.

    You oyurself know what it is like growing up without your parents and im sure you dont want to do that to your own kids.

    Try Beyond blue, also www.relationships.com.au might be able to help.

    They can set up individual appointments or appointments for both you and your wife to go and talk through your differences.

    Very good relationship counselling place and they base their rates on income, so basically if you tell them you need help but cant afford it they will charge nothing or next to nothing.

    Good luck mate, chin up and just take one day at a time.

  7. #22
    Senior Member Mrs HMS's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

    Paul, with today being Good Friday I can understand it bringing those feelings of sadness bubbling up. My mum also died from cancer just after Timmy and I were married and the anniversary of her death and the lead up to that date still now (20 years on) makes me sad beyond belief. My dad followed my Mum in October of 1997.

    All I can say is your mum worked hard and as a single mum would have made huge personal sacrifices to give you and your brothers the life she knew you deserved and to honour her memory that is exactly what you should do...live the life you deserve and give your kids the very best chance you possibly can...leave no stone unturned to get there.

    I know that doctor shortages in many areas of this country create factories that need to churn them out as quickly as possible because the demand is so great. That is why you need to ask for a long appointment and yes, be absolutely direct with your doctor about asking for the help you need. Tell him/her how you are feeling and demand a mental health plan.

    As to having someone to watch the kids, perhaps your partner's friend with whom she has been spending so much time can help for one night, or even a couple of hours. Perhaps if you get the chance to talk to her about how you feel and what you want to do to improve things for yourself and your whole family it will help her too.

    Most of all ask for the help you need and keep on asking until you get it.

    One day at a time...that's significant, when you can't see the forest for the trees trying to look too far forward can seem overwhelming. Now, in the beginning, just focus on today, whilst the date may not be the same the fact that it is Good Friday makes it a difficult one for you (my mum passed on Valentines day and it has never been the same since), focus on those beautiful boys of yours and surrounding yourself with their love. Tomorrow you can deal with when you get there.

    Keep talking and sharing here, with your 4wd mates and take it one day at a time.
    ~ Joanne ~

  8. #23
    Member brettly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

    Paul, i couldn't give anymore advice then what has been said already, i have 2 rugrats myself (even though they are older), i can tell you, its what gets me up every morning striving to be better than the day before, and hence bringing absolutely NOTHING to stand in your way.

    Mate, look how far you have come!, the support on here and mine will NEVER end.

    In the Anzac tradition..we HAVE to soldier on.

    Chin-up..Take Care
    Cheers.
    MIGHTY MOW Lawn & Garden Services
    Brett Youlten
    Mob: 0415 112 163
    Web: www.mightymow.com.au

    Email: info@mightymow.com.au
    Proudly Australian Owned

  9. #24
    Member of forum C.O.R.Y.S's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

    So many different thoughts went through my head as I read over this thread and there are a lot of things id like to say but wont because I know they would come accross as being insensitive. That said there are still some things I believe need saying. Clearly Paul you are suffering from depression and my heart goes out to you. Having gone through some things in my life I wouldnt wish on my worst enemies I myself have suffered terribly from this and after years of Therapy, lots of different medication and many many suicidial thoughts I can promise you, YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH! Like I said though, I had suicidal thoughts, which I believe are inevitable when suffering deppresion, but I wasnt suicidal. To me just the fact you would come on an open forum like this and make the comments you did tells me your not suicidal either, you are just a man asking for help, which I promise you is the best thing you could ever do. Last year my cousin, who was like a brother to me, committed suicide to the shock of all who knew him. He had an amazing life and I envied him for what he had achieved, he had a wife and two great kids who loved him, a very very successful engineering company, was a multiple australian sprint car champion and more recently a leader and pioneer in extreme 4wd, having won the tuff truck challenge with ease (i added that in coz if your into 4wd you probably know of him) but all those things werent enough to help him battle his demons. he had a deep seeded mental illness and he never spoke of being suicidal and never asked for help. when he finally decided to kill himself he felt a weight lifted off him and they were probably the happiest months of his life, thats right i said months. after it happened we found he had been conciously planning it for a long time, if only we had realised. I tell this story because I now know every reason not to kill yourself. I know the impact it has on the children and family and friends you leave behind. I know at the end of the day money is nothing, and its better to be alive without a penny than to have a million dollars in your pocket hanging from a rope. I know other peoples problems are no reason to give in to your own. I know it doesnt mean much when you are in the midst of a depressive state but there really are litterally millions and millions of people in the world who wake up every day with no money and no hope and no future but go through their lives with a smile on their face doing the best they can with their situations and when you get through this, which like I said if you keep asking for help you will, youll look back from the otherside and realise your problems werent really as bad as you thought, because nothing is better than being alive and living each day the best way you can whatever troubles your faced with along the way. good luck to you paul and id love to talk to you more if you want. cheers, cory.

  10. #25
    Senior Member PaulG's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

    Thanks everyone.

    Geoff I'm on Outer Limits here a bit and Pirate in the USA, as well as my own forum which is a small local one. Also a few others like DownUnder and 4x4Earth, but not very often.

    Drew thanks for that link as my partner and I do need to get a few things sorted.

    Thanks Joanne. I recognise this is a time of year I hate but I'm trying to overcome that by being a part of the joy my boys show for things like the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause etc.

    Brett that's exactly what I am trying to focus on each day to take my mind off everything else.

    Cory, thanks mate for you words. And I do believe I know who you're talking about from the 4WD community but I didn't realise it was suicide. I thought cancer but then I might just be thinking of someone else as I don't think the guy I'm thinking of won Tuff Truck unless it was one of the very early ones.

  11. #26
    Senior Member PaulG's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

    I just checked Cory and it is who I was originally thinking. I was shocked when I heard mate. Sorry to hear about it and also know you guys were so close.

  12. #27
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    Default Re: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

    Quote Originally Posted by PaulG View Post
    I just checked Cory and it is who I was originally thinking. I was shocked when I heard mate. Sorry to hear about it and also know you guys were so close.
    just think this is also how people will feel if you do kill yourself

    p.s you may not have depression but suffer bipolar this i something you probably should discuss with a doctor this may give you a better idea http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001924/ remember this is a dease and not something to be ashamed of one of the richest and most beautiful women in the world (Catherine Zeta-Jones ) suffers from it and recently put herself in care because she wasn't copping stress makes it hard to cope and tends to bring on more and severer bouts of depression episodes so i would suggest writing down things which are stressing you then see what you can do about relieving yourself of them ie:dump pita clients you may need the money but the stress and what it does to your physical and mental health really isn't worth it
    Anything Ian says may or may not be garbage, it may also be his own opinion or it may not be his opinion at all, it may just be something he felt like stating anyone following his advice does so at their own risk and may be doing something Ian would actually advise against.
    And if you don't like what Ian has to say use the ignore function if you don't know how ask i will gladly tell you

  13. #28
    Senior Member The Local Gardener's Avatar
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    Aussie Re: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

    Quote Originally Posted by PaulG View Post
    I just checked Cory and it is who I was originally thinking. I was shocked when I heard mate. Sorry to hear about it and also know you guys were so close.
    Paul, there is no doubt we all have a story to tell. I just wanted to let you know that I am very proud of you.

  14. #29
    member Christine Wharton's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

    Paul -
    not sure what to say, so I'll let this poem do it for me.
    (It's a bit of an oldie, but has good advice in it for us all)

    Desiterata
    by Max Ehrmann

    Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
    and remember what peace there may be in silence.

    As far as possible, without surrender,
    be on good terms with all persons.
    Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
    and listen to others,
    even to the dull and the ignorant;
    they too have their story.
    Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
    they are vexatious to the spirit.


    If you compare yourself with others,
    you may become vain or bitter,
    for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
    Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
    Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
    it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.


    Exercise caution in your business affairs,
    for the world is full of trickery.
    But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
    many persons strive for high ideals,
    and everywhere life is full of heroism.
    Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
    Neither be cynical about love,
    for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
    it is as perennial as the grass.


    Take kindly the counsel of the years,
    gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
    Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
    But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
    Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.


    Beyond a wholesome discipline,
    be gentle with yourself.
    You are a child of the universe
    no less than the trees and the stars;
    you have a right to be here.
    And whether or not it is clear to you,
    no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


    Therefore be at peace with God,
    whatever you conceive Him to be.
    And whatever your labors and aspirations,
    in the noisy confusion of life,
    keep peace in your soul.


    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
    it is still a beautiful world.
    Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

    ------------------------------
    Easter time and ANZAC day is a good time to reflect
    on what O/others have done for us ... Thanks be ...
    Ciao for now ~ Christine
    senior partner ~ Townsville Lawn Care
    http://townsvillelawncare.webs.com

  15. #30
    Senior Member simo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons why I shouldn't kill myself?

    Paul Mate you`ve taken the first step maybe even the second by talking to your mates, it will get better even though the light at the end of the tunnel is small..keep at it you`ll get there and when you do it will be soooo worth it..you`ll be thinking and only a little bit of cheers mate happy easter keep smiling..
    ....Nothing like a good whipper....

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